Each semester, many Ateneans leave for JTA (Junior Term Abroad), which means months spent in a different country away from families, friends, and for some, their significant others. Of course, diving into a long distance relationship is not without its difficulties. These young lovers are without a doubt excited for each other’s future adventures, but for most, there is also that feeling of uncertainty that comes with the thought of distance.
Navigating the battlefield
Many couples have their own problems to face, and subsequently their own ways to deal with them. One very common problem is the obvious time difference. “It seems trivial, but it’s as difficult as people [say it is] to work around,” says Dani Ibañez (3 BS MGT), who went to France for JTA. She recalls the trouble of doing the groceries when her boyfriend, Jay Dulatre (3 AB COM) would want to talk to her, or when she would be in class while he was on the way home. “The time difference was really challenging because one of us would have to stay up later just so we can talk and catch up,” Dulatre says.
With the help of technology, many of these couples found communication channels to make sure they were just a few clicks away from each other. “[W]e have technology to ease the pain of being so far away in that it made it seem like we were still together,” Ged Poe (3 AB MEC) says. While Poe’s girlfriend, Erica Dee (3 BS MGT), spent her semester in San Francisco, the couple made sure to always talk to each other through Telegram or FaceTime—even if it meant having to wake up early, sleep late, or, at times, sacrifice going out.
“It was a conscious effort to make each other feel like we were part of each other’s lives even if we [didn’t] see each other. We [didn’t] allow each other to go to sleep without fixing our fights and [we were] very transparent with how we [felt],” Dee shares. These problems could really be taxing for some couples, especially busy college couples trying to maximize their time to catch up.
Triumph over fear
In fact, these problems could even drive couples to make relationship-changing decisions. Tiffany Uy (3 BS ME), who went to Boston College last semester, says that she and her boyfriend Brian Tan (3 BS ITE) considered taking a break while she was away simply because four months apart was a long time. They ended up seeing the relationship through, however, and are now more than two years strong. “More than a boyfriend-girlfriend, we are best friends who share and learn from each other and every new experience that comes our way, either separately or together.”
It is evident that for most of these couples, the feelings of apprehension are never enough to sacrifice the relationship or the JTA experience. The shift from spending time together almost everyday to suddenly just seeing each other through a screen for almost five months is a daunting thought, but these couples have shown that it is one that can be conquered.
“I wanted to tell her that maybe she [could] do STA [Study Tour Abroad] instead but I knew how much she wanted to go on JTA. I was a bit hesitant at first, but I knew that this would be such a great opportunity for her so I was all for it eventually,” Dulatre says.
Victory for two
It is no secret that love and being in a relationship requires effort and commitment. On choosing to stay together despite the difficulties, Tan shares, “This wasn’t something we forced onto each other—we voluntarily and wholeheartedly wanted to stay together. That’s what kept us together, and it’s what continues to keep us together today.”
His partner, Uy, also says, “After an LDR, I’d say being in a relationship is about making sure you have your own individual lives, but also being intensely eager to share all you have experienced to the one you love. It’s about creating—not sharing—shared experiences for you both to enjoy and learn from.”
This kind of determination seems to come through for many couples—maybe even strengthening some. “The experience of a [long distance relationship] definitely made me realize how serious I am in my relationship with Erica,” Poe adds. “Nothing worthwhile comes easily. This experience gave me a taste of what some couples actually have to endure in their love life and I can definitely say that for them to be willing to participate in such an endeavor already proves the fact that their relationship is indeed something special.”
In the end, all the couples feel that the distance of JTA gave them a new perspective to view their relationship with. The troubles at the start made it difficult, but with great turmoil came better learnings.
“I realized that being totally comfortable in a relationship makes things almost too convenient. When proximity isn’t an option, it’s being extra thoughtful, extra considerate, and extra present that will have to compensate,” Ibañez says.
Graphic by Jeanine Rojo.