As the first semester draws to a close, Ateneo’s freshies and seniors have already gotten a taste of their firsts and lasts of college. These extraordinary circumstances have brought out rather uncharted waters for everyone; freshies are introduced to a unique image of the University, while seniors must bid their alma mater farewell from their own homes. With the recent memo that affirmed a fully online academic year, students from these two batches confront their emotions and reflect on their experiences.
Czarina De Marcaida: Finding supportive spaces
As someone who has been looking forward to stepping foot on campus, freshman Czarina De Marcaida (1 BS PSY) was disappointed upon hearing the announcement of a virtual semester. “My expectations of college pre-pandemic [were] like, ‘Oh, it’s a new journey!’” she says. The thought of going to college had De Marcaida excited for years now, as her Atenean cousins had been telling her stories of how vibrant the school culture was.
However, the apprehensions about online learning kicked in after her high school friends started to open up about their personal experiences with the stressful online set-up. De Marcaida shared that her friends were constantly anxious, as their professors would message them late at night about a requirement due the next morning. “My friends told me na you won’t have time for other stuff kasi yung workload for online classes, sobrang bigat talaga (it would be quite heavy),” she says.
One month before the start of classes, though, De Marcaida met the solution to her worries after meeting her current friend group through Telegram. “Voltez XVI,” as they’re called, is composed of Atenean Psychology freshmen who were the most active in the batch-wide group chat.
“Before classes started, like super tight na namin, so yung worries ko [that I mentioned] kanina slowly diminished ‘cause I know I have a support system [...] and I’m just really happy na I already formed my own family in Ateneo,” she says. In addition, she shares that her new set of friends taught her to help fellow blockmates instead of competing with one another.
From there on, her relationships have expanded more. De Marcaida shares how orgs, coupled with technology, helped her branch out and make new friends. “I was able to form relationships through Discord, and honestly I got shocked kasi you [only] get to meet them online, but now they are people who I can trust and turn to when I’m having difficulties,” she says. De Marcaida adds that it was through video conferencing platforms—such as Zoom and Discord—that she overcame her disappointment with not experiencing on-site University events.
Looking to the future, De Marcaida hopes to meet these newfound friends of hers on campus soon. At times when she finds the online setting burdensome and difficult, she just thinks about how she’ll get to meet her blockmates and orgmates when on-site classes resume. “They are one of the things [that] gets me through this online setting,” De Marcaida admits.
Marvin Medios: Navigating through uncertainty
“It didn’t really come as a shock or surprise to me. It was something that I probably expected but didn’t want to believe.”
For graduating senior Marvin Medios (4 BFA ID), the announcement of an online semester may have been anticipated, but it certainly didn’t make the transition any easier.
The most challenging part for Medios was having to start the learning process from scratch. Despite having adapted to the college experience after more than three years, online classes had him treading on new ground. “This whole process of shifting to the online setting was—and still is—a continuous process of unlearning the old and learning the new,” says Medios, who admits to still struggling with the online set-up.
“Some people think that having gone through it once means that we’ve adjusted, adapted, and [we’ve] mastered the experience, but that’s not true. I know a lot of people—myself included—who are still trying to cope with the new setup.”
Medios believes that one unfortunate outcome of the online setup is the change in the quality of learning. “Coupled with personal anxieties brought about by the pandemic, the challenging content of my courses seem to get heavier, as it is condensed within a shorter time frame that allows for little room to process before having to move on to the next module, reading, or requirement,” he explains.
Above all, there is also the challenge of staying motivated. Despite his efforts to make the most out of his current situation, every day for him continues to be a struggle to wake up and work. “With all the things that have happened and all the things that are continuing to happen around us, I often question why I’m doing what I’m doing,” Medios shares.
Aside from the pressure of having to navigate a challenging learning environment, the unexpected turn his senior year has taken is yet another weight he has to carry. “When I get to catch up with my friends or when I see photos of Ateneo, my default response is to think ‘what if,’” Medios shares.
He admits that what he misses the most about onsite classes is being with the community. “I loved spending my time with others. I miss being able to stay in Areté with my coursemates, I miss eating in Regis with my friends, and I miss walking along Katipunan. Not that I took these things for granted, but I just wish I had taken more time to take pictures, walk around with friends, and basically everything else that I can no longer do.”
The pandemic has also taken its toll on many aspects of Medios’ senior year experience. As an information design major, he was looking forward to both his internship and his thesis, both of which were greatly affected by current circumstances. Due to quarantine restrictions, internships were no longer made a requirement for his course. Their theses were also adjusted and reconfigured, limiting their opportunities to collaborate with different departments and institutions.
Despite all these drawbacks, the uncertainty of the future has encouraged Medios to direct his focus to the present. He holds on to the hope that things will eventually get better, not just for the Atenean community, but for the whole country as well.
“To my fellow seniors, let’s learn to forgive ourselves,” he says in conclusion. “We may not be at our very best, we may not be meeting our own expectations, but we are trying our hardest in unprecedented times. We are worth more than our discussion boards, our requirements, and our grades.”
Christian Sarabia: Connecting is a commitment
Freshman Christian Sarabia (1 BS MS CS) tries to find the positive side in the much-dreaded online setting through a change of perspective. Before the onset of the pandemic, Sarabia had been envisioning college to be like what he sees in the movies. “I went to college with the expectation of having a fun, ‘discover myself,’ wild type of a ride,” he shares. Sarabia had also been hoping to finally meet the newly-made college friends he had met before the supposed start of the Orientation Seminar.
Despite his dream of physically meeting and bonding with his college friends, he shares that attending college online was much easier to adapt to. “In real life kasi, you’ll be in a new place, you don’t know where to go, and you feel judged, diba?” Sarabia says. He acknowledges that, in large part, his transition has been easy with Ateneo’s compassionate response to online learning.
However, Sarabia recognizes that building friendships actually takes time and effort as it’s a conscious commitment to keep up with people via chat. This virtual hurdle has taught him how to become active and mindful of building relationships, as he has learned to check up on his fellow batchmates no matter how unacquainted they are.
Despite trying to reach out to everyone he can, Sarabia notes how sad it is to make friends in this online set-up, saying that people are less likely to interact with others in this current setting. “It’s sad to see na minsan [when] you go to Messenger or Discord, you can’t even meet half of the people,” Sarabia shares. He says that he doesn’t blame these people from being inactive, though, as he believes everyone is trying their best to reach out in their own ways.
Moreover, Sarabia shares how this online set-up has also helped him to become empathetic of others. “People are never what they seem, especially now na we only see their faces or like their chats, text bubbles,” he says. Given that the country has experienced various natural disasters all while in a pandemic, Sarabia says that this has made him realize he needs to be more mindful of what he says to others. He asserts the importance of practicing empathy as you would never know one’s personal circumstance.
At the end of it all, Sarabia acknowledges how a quarantined freshman year has changed and challenged not only himself but everyone else around him, too. “We had to try out new things, and the thing is, there's no mentor. There’s no other people to look up to, and ask ‘how did you do this?’ kasi we're all doing this at the same time,” he says.
Despite the uncertainty of things, Sarabia shares that this has definitely taught everyone that it’s okay to slow down and take things one step at a time. “You don’t have to rush, you don’t have to compete. You just have to believe in yourself; that you’re learning, that you’re progressing, [and] that you’ll be there,” as he concludes in a self-affirming mantra.
Patricia Ramos: Dealing with detachment
Despite three years’ worth of college experiences under her belt, the online semester seemed to bring Patricia Ramos (4 BS MIS) back to square one. Her initial thought was that the shift to a virtual classroom was merely a temporary precautionary measure, but reality started to sink in upon the announcement of an online second semester. For Ramos, the challenge of online classes extended beyond navigating learning platforms as she was forced to deal with the mental pressures of the new setup as well.
There was also the hurdle of remaining focused during classes. Her short attention span meant that listening to online lectures took twice as much effort. Moreover, the fact that all her schoolwork, org tasks, lectures, and other commitments were on her laptop made it even more difficult to avoid distractions and focus on a single task.
Like many of her fellow seniors, Ramos had to adjust her expectations for her thesis. Traditionally, they got to pick a client to work with, but due to restrictions the companies were assigned instead. “I was really excited, [but now] I’m not really sure if I’m learning from my thesis,” she admits. “I genuinely want to learn but it’s so hard to do so online because I'm doing things just to pass.”
The online setup has brought about a disconnect between Ramos and her senior year experience. “I feel like I’m going to be so lost after graduation. I don’t even feel like a senior, I still feel like a junior from last March,” she remarks. “Emotionally—as seniors—you’re expecting this to be the last year. You wanna make the most out of it, pero you can't because you’re just staring at a screen.”
More than anything, she misses the company that came with being on campus. “It was so much easier to suffer with classes when you’re with friends. Simple things like going to class early and just chatting with classmates and eating out after classes are just normal stuff that you wouldn’t even think about twice, but now I realize I’ve been taking them for granted.”
Despite everything, Ramos admits that she’s tried to find opportunities amidst the challenges she’s had to face. She shares that it’s easier to find remote internships since work from home settings are on the rise. “In a way I learned how to be more disciplined in managing things like my schedules and routines.”
As she works to find her balance one day at a time, Ramos hopes that things will get better in the future. “I remember last school year, I felt really bad about the seniors missing out on their last semester and their graduation, tapos ako din pala. Hopefully we’ll be able to sort things out, and [other] students won’t experience what we did.” she shares.
“To my fellow seniors, let's try to make the most of [the situation] the best way we know how. I know everyone’s trying their very best and coping, [but] we’re all in this together.”
Although a milestone in their college journey has taken a completely unexpected turn, these Ateneans continue to power through these challenging times the best way they know how. They hold on to the hope that better days are coming, especially for their fellow students who’ve had to experience similar uncertainties and obstacles throughout this online semester.
This might not have been the special school year these freshies and seniors had hoped for, but the strength they’ve shown amidst much difficulties and disappointments is certainly worth commending.
*Editor’s Note: Patricia Ramos is a member of The GUIDON’s Digital Development staff.